Sharing that you have facial pain with others can sometimes be tough and overwhelming. Maybe you don’t even know where to start. For some, health is an everyday topic and easy to speak about. Others may be more private about their health, so sharing about it is something they struggle with. Regardless of which category you fall into, know that there is no wrong situation to be in! Here are some tips on how we, as young patients with facial pain, have shared about our facial pain diagnosis with a friend, a significant other, a teacher, and a boss.
Sharing your facial pain diagnosis with a friend:
One of the most wonderful things about a friendship is acceptance and understanding. Sometimes people, especially those with chronic illnesses, feel pressured to be the best friend possible — always being available, ready to spend time together, and have fun. Those of us with facial pain know that is not how chronic pain, medications, and managing doctors appointments work. We are not always able to be what a friend is “supposed” to be.
The truth is that a good friendship includes boundaries; without them we become burned out. That’s where communication comes in. Share the facts! Facial pain is often rare, and most likely your friend has not heard of it. The Facial Pain Association has wonderful resources on facial pain. Share with your friend how facial pain affects you. Communicating that you desire to be a wonderful friend but there will have to be boundaries about your health.
Again, part of friendship should be about acceptance and understanding. If your friend’s response is kindness and support, then embrace that friendship. Friendships bring joy to our lives, and everyone deserves some joy. Even you! Having facial pain does not make you less of a good friend, or less deserving of friendships. You deserve friends just like your friends who do not have facial pain.
Sharing your facial pain with a significant other:
The thought of sharing that you have facial pain with a date or significant other may be leaving you feeling vulnerable and nervous. We understand. You are not alone. The first thing to remember is that your facial pain does not make you less wonderful as a person, or less deserving of love. You have facial pain, yes, but you have so many wonderful things to bring to a relationship. Facial pain does not change that.
Sometimes, as chronic illness patients, we may think that we need to spare someone, specifically a partner, from our health struggles. Having facial pain is incredibly hard, and yes it can be hard on those who care for and love us, but we are more than just facial pain. Remember we bring more to a relationship than just our facial pain. We can still have loving relationships and supportive partners. Communicating with our potential partner (or current partner) about our facial pain and all the big feelings we experience regarding it is so important.
Just like with friends, share the facts of your facial pain. Share what triggers your pain or increases it. Sharing your specific everyday experience can help your partner understand you and your facial pain better.
Share what support you need. It is okay to need and accept support. That does not make you less strong. Loving partners want to support their partner. Accepting help, although vulnerable at times, can make your bond closer. Share with your partner ways that will best support you, whether it’s bringing an ice pack to help with pain while you lie on the couch, or a quick grocery run to get your favorite soft snacks. Allowing our partners to support us is allowing ourselves to be loved. Vulnerability may feel scary, but it can lead to happiness too.
Sharing your facial pain with a teacher:
Own your education the same way you own your health by advocating for yourself and being honest about your needs. In order for you to thrive in the classroom, it’s important that your relationship with your teacher is one of empathy and mutual respect. When you spend most of your day in a classroom, your teacher can become an extension of your athome support. This relationship works when there is open communication and flexibility. That level of communication can be overwhelming in the beginning, so it is important to be open and honest about accommodations (i.e. modified assignments or extended deadlines). Once you feel confident with the level of communication, you can begin to explain your situation in more detail. Above all else, open communication will foster a supportive environment; which is vital to not only your well-being, but physical health as well.
Sharing your facial pain with a boss:
Though similar to the teacher/student relationship, introducing chronic pain to your workplace can provide its own level of difficulty. It is important to have both open communication and trust. You can disclose as much as you feel comfortable about your personal situation, but we encourage inquiring about flexible work hours and in-office accommodations for when you have a flare at work.
Trusting your boss to accommodate your personal health is vital, and you should equally trust yourself to continue to advocate for your needs. Regular check-ins to discuss accommodation adjustments or productivity measures will encourage continued trust in each other. Honest feedback and communication will foster your employer’s trust in your work ethic. Again, it is vital that you both respect each other and lead with honesty.
The one thing we want to remind you of is that you are deserving of supportive, kind, and empathic relationships — no matter how or when you decide to share about your health with those around you. And remember, we are always in your corner!
